Living it

One day you will wake up and you will realize that you are doing what you love the most. I’m living the moment! 100%.

Preparing “the Next BigThing” of AIESEC in Mexico, building the agenda for the next national conference for the leadership track, having my Strategic Team complete and very soon our first meeting just make shivers going through me. The faci applications for ILC (Iberoamerican Leadership Conference) are out. The next steps need to be decided, now.

Having crazy fun every single day with the guys I’m working with, having the friends I have, having the attitude I have…being myself, doing what I say I do… makes me feel successful. And this is the way I want to feel for the rest of my life. Of course I felt it before, and then I forgot it for a while,…now I feel it again. How can you sustain the moments of success?

Who am I?

(written last week) I just left behind one of the most hardest and funniest weeks since I’m in Mexico. Fun, I have all the time. Challenges are coming one by one all the time. We easily overcome some of them.  Some others are hitting us with brutality and let cicatrices.  Sometimes I had the feeling that I loose myself in doing operational things and I don’t like this. Then I understood there is so much work and dedication behind the final picture. What changed meanwhile is  my level of tolerating what happens around me. I feel how this experience is shaping my flexibility, the orientations toward solution,..my character…my life.

I just have an inspiring, revealing coffee talk with Felipe, former IGN Director in AIESEC International, AIESEC in Mexico will host IPM 2011 (International Presidents Meeting), my laptop is working again, last night I had a walk in the park with the MC guys, after that we celebrated the IPM (AIESEC Mexico wil organize IPM-International Presidents Meeting 2011).  I had so much fun, in this week again. I’m burning intensely inside with passion or angrily depending on the situation. I have no possessions, I’m sharing the same apartment with other 7 guys, which is not the most beautiful, but my life is so full of sense. I feel that my everyday job is extremely important and that people I’m working with are valuable. I am happy. I’m rediscovering myself.

…the actions I’ve done in the past said that I am the kind of woman that spent the night with her friends, pack her luggage in half a day and leave alone at the other corner of the world, without knowing what is on the other side. That  I’m the kind of woman who moves alone the furniture in the house, who fix alone her computer…who speaks when only men are allowed to speak, who can be harmonious and aggressive in the same measure, who likes to break the rules because she believes in flexibility, the one who dream without measure and acts impulsively, the ones who takes risks,…  who has the strength to start all over again and again when everything falls away… who loves life before everything else,… who is happy!

Moving on

I want to cry, and shout and let go. And I can not cry, I can not shout, I can not let go anymore. I think my honeymoon is about to end. The black spots appear one by one on the pink background. The black spots are taking my energy. What brings my energy back, here? For sure not sleeping, for sure not eating… Today I left during one important meeting. I left because I don’t believe in it today and because I can not see my role in something that I don’t believe. Because I felt that we are totally stocked in the box, and don’t want to move out because it’s comfortable there.

I am not ok. And the only way I know to cope with this is to run away of what seems bothering and comeback after a while when I feel better. I went in front of the hospital to remember to appreciate and enjoy life. It’s challenging, it’s not easy…and it’s short. People were passing by, leaving and entering in the hospital building. Some will never see the world outside again. They would give anything to be in my shoes now.

I was thinking a lot at Coco-former LCP of AIESEC in Romania. About 3 weeks ago or something he found he has cancer. 2 days ago he died. 23 years old guy… full of life and dreams… I remembered our discussions about life when I was their coach. He’s gone now… One day it simply ends…

My laptop died too. It was new. I can not use the warranty here, because obviously I don’t have the original package with me. I need to pay almost half of my salary if I want it to work again.

It becomes harder and harder to transform the challenges in positive actions, to understand why people behave in the way they behave, why they seems not so willing anymore to help or forgive your mistakes…

At the ExpoManagement last week a guy said that “some peoples don’t have emotions, like Europeeans for example”. How stupid is that?! Not as stupid as you might believe! Europeans are expected to be strong in all situations, calm, diplomat, to control their emotions, and so on, no matter what. And of course we are not like this all the time.The easiest thing now is to put labels. I don’t want to do this. Is not the way I am. I don’t like to judge others. I think I’m judging now.

I remember the past years when nothing in the world had a sense, only having  those I love safe near me. I need to be wise. I am not here to have negative feelings. And I’m strong enough to cope with this stage of my experience in the right way.

Thank you MC Revolution, Thank you Mexico for giving me sense and challenges every day!

Dream big

If there were ever a time to dare to make a difference,
To embark on something worth doing,
It is now.

Not for any grand cause necessarily
But for something that tugs at your heart,
Something that’s your aspiration
Something that’s your dream.

You owe it to yourself to make your days here count.
Have fun.
Dig deep.
Stretch.

Dream Big.

Know that things worth doing seldom come easy.
There will be good days.
There will be bad days.
There will be times when you want to turn around,
Pack it up, and call it quits.
Those times tell you
That you are pushing yourself,
That you are not afraid to learn by trying.

Persist.

Because with an idea,
Determination,
And the right tools,
You can do great things.
Let your intellect and your heart guide you.

Trust.

Believe in the incredible power of the human mind.
Of doing something that makes a difference.
Of working hard.
Of laughing and hoping.
Of lazy afternoons.
Of lasting friendships.
Of all the things that will cross your path this year.

The start of something new
Brings the hope of something new
Brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.
There is only one you.
And you will pass this way only once.

Do it right!
”Be all you can be!”.

eXecution Meeting-my 1st national conference in Mexico

There is a while since I have not updated my blog. Meanwhile a lot of things have happened. We had eXecution meeting the national conference of AIESEC in Mexico: more than 400 delegates, 4 parallel agendas, 13 facilitators, Felipe Cardenas as chair-former IGN Director, 7 days spent in the paradise of Veracruz Mountains (pre-meeting and the conference days). I had the impression of being in a small paradise, a paradise with sun, storms and imminent explosions…A paradise where passion and aggression stay together… Green grass under our foots, blue-blue sky above, fresh air, blossom threes, small ponds and a few swings hanging under the palm trees, lots of stairs, latino ritms sounds in background, people smiling and singing all the time, plenty of food and sweets, veracruzian traditional music during dinner. It’s seductive to stay in front of these people, to have the microphone and the voice… It’s a bit stunning! These, these moments will remain!…

For the delegates I think it was a successful conference. The storms were in the back… I think we all have passed through all possible combinations of emotions: from angriness, irony, maximum joy, panic…It’s not easy to cope with limited resources, tight deadlines, multiple tasks, extreme tiredness, stresses people, with body and stomach ache because of the stress and tiredness, with angriness and confusion. The feeling of aggression was maxim. The feeling of love and joy the same. Paradoxical! Even the most delicate touch or a “good morning” could makes you explode. 5 min minute before your session should start you just find you don’t have any more the plenary, the video projector, or your co-facilitator just disappeared…a partner gets upset because of some unknown reasons, a stupid accident-a guy is heart-hospital- responsible? money? …and so on… How to stay calm in front of all these? You have to! I remembered Adi Rusu and his story about a real facilitator, who should be like the duck. Imagine a duck white and beautiful floating on the water, but under the water her foots are in a constant movement fighting with the water currents.

The conference was delivered in Spanish. I’m not able yet to talk. But I can understand. It still takes me impressive amounts of energy but I feel a high progress compared with the previous period.

I have never ever felt such a pressure on my shoulders before. I was tired as never before. I felt like floating, then flying, landing, flying and floating again, hundreds of times on a day. I felt easily disappointed by some people, so pleasantly surprised by others, even if I haven’t expectations from them in the beginning. We can do it much better next time. On the other side there was so much effort invested and I would be hypocrite to not notice and appreciate this. I do appreciate the incredible efforts done to make this conference possible. I do appreciate those few smile or hugs that I have received during the conference. I do appreciate the people I was working with for this conference. I see all these happenngs like challenges and I like to deal with challenges…they brought color and intensity to the conference.
All in all I confirmed myself one more that I’m very efficient under pressure, that even if I’m burning inside I can control my negative feelings and remain calm when things are exploding around, the spontaneity still helps me to improvise or adjust things on the way…I don’t like this because in many cases they may affect the quality of the delivery, but when the situation requires this I can do it. I left Veracruz carrying not only my luggage with my but a lot of thoughts as well…

I’m still feeling strong inside, still can let go the things that are not so important, still can stay away of frustrations, I’ve made mistakes and I was able to accept them. I still can go out run, shout, eat some chocolate, dance a roll call, breath, look foolish at the sky, come back inside and be ok again. I know there will come moments when will not be that easy to cope with this…

My 2nd week in Mexico

It’s incredible how a trip to the end of the world can give you so much liberty and so many learnings at the end of the day. In this past week I have enjoyed the most the mix of Latin cultures: Colombian food, Brazilian party and the Mexican day to day life.

Our week started with a Colombian dinner, delicious indeed and ended with a Brazilian party. The guys cooked for us 4 different kind of traditional Colombian food, and chocolate. Definitely I have to learn these recipes.

After that it was Serch’s B’day, one of the Colombians, and we’ve prepared a surprise party for him in our flat. We taste enough alcohol so that in the end it became harder and harder to keep our emotions under control. This has open our appetite for philosophical discussions and we talked until late in the night about our visions for the future, our role in impacting the society, about us as change agents etc… In the same evening before the previous event I was totally surprised by Anita’s questions about the communist period in Romania and the post-communist Romanian society evolution.

Than just imagine a small romanian girl, 2 colombians and a mexican running on the street through a torrential rain to arrive at a brazilian party. I’m sick, taking medicines, all my body hearting, but I couldn’t resist the temptation so that I went in the end. And I enjoyed the night 100%. I tasted capirinha with strawberries, I danced salsa, I’ve meet new people and had some very interesting discussions about political system, climate change and the role of our generation. Beside this I had so much fun. We ended up in a coffee shop, eating all from the same plate delicious nachos con queso(cheese) and tortillia con chueso. And guess what. Today I felt much more better.

At the office it was a hectic week. We had BOA (Board of Advisors) Meeting with 4 managers: the manager from Telefonica-a very big company in Mexico, One State Secretary, one of the founding member of AIESEC in Mexico, and a manager from PWC. Of course we have prepared a detailed performance report, a ppt. presentation with many slides and perfect bullets. Sometimes we don’t realize that those details that are so dam important for us does not bring value for the others. Or worse, those details are just getting them confused. Of course there is so much time and effort invested in every single thing and we want them to know and appreciate this. And we often forget that an accountant will know for sure what efforts are hidden behind that 1 page balance sheet. A human Resource Manager will always know how much work is behind those 3 defined competencies…and so on. The truth is that we don’t have the courage of simplicity and authenticity!

The easiest thing is to get stacked in details and to lose focus and then the big picture. The truth is that being busy is very seductive. But it does not mean you are on the right track. I’m wondering every morning: how my actions of today will support the achievement of our organizational objectives. How can we align our actions in order to generate achievements? Because I think these are two important factors for our success. Full year. Challenging life. And right now I love my life at maximum.

Trip to the pyramids

I have heard so much before about the famous Mexican pyramids. In the past weekend we went to Teotihuacan, one of the world’s most important archeological sites wrapped by grand mystery. The view is amazing. At the entrance at the pyramids there is a long alley bordered by big cactus and other threes. After that you can suddenly see the top of the biggest pyramids. To the Aztecs, Teotihuacan was a holy place, the city of gods, where the sun, moon and universe were created. The story behind the views in full of mysteries correlated with many human sacrifices and religious rituals to the Gods plus astronomical events and ways of life centered on the seasons of snowing and rainfall. For example they used to scarify people and bring them as offering to gods because they believed that only in this way the sun will rise again in the next morning.

The biggest are the the Pyramid of the Sun and the Pyramid of the Moon. We have climbed them both even if it required some effort. Each pyramid has a number of central stairs leading to the top. It‘s believed that in the top there were temples in the past. From the top of the pyramid of the Moon you view directly down the Calles de los Muertos (Street of the Dead) which originally had 4 km.

Down on the platform there are plenty of vendors who sell souvenirs, ceremonial objects, and hats.
In the metro, on the way to Teotihuacan as well. Some weird vendors are selling all kind of things, from sweets to DVDs with music. Germany bought to each of us a Rubik cube because this is the logo or our MC Revolution team.
We ended the day at Mall. They have a lot of cool things that would make happy any woman:) I bought some very nice jewelry.

Santa Fe

It’s a silent evening at home. We have just came back from Santa Fe, a fancy and loving area at the periphery of Mexico City, where the rich people are living and all the big companies have their headquarters. On the way to Santa Fe there are immense parks and green areas. (Actually everything is huge in Mexico City from food rations… to rooms, streets, parks everything). We’ve been in Santa Fe for a “team dynamics” session with Lotfi, an Alumnus of AIESEC in Spain who works with different MCs and with AIESEC International team. It was more an interactive session, where we tried to find how we can co-create the team in order to achieve sustainable impact. I have found some clues about how to manage myself in a new environment and I got to know better my teammates.

And I realized one thing: my old strengths do not serve me so much in this new environment. Beside this the language barrer blocks other skills as for example public speaking, the capacity of sharing, the level of proactivity, the sense of humor, balance and others. The best part is that I’ve became aware of these things and I’m making conscious effort to overcome them. In the shortest time possible. The hardest part is to let go. Lotfi advised me to let go everything that I used to have home, that I used to be good at; to accept that a skill that used to be my strength at home will not serve me here, in this moment. And I feel fear and anger about my limited abilities. But a positive one, that pushes my limits and reinforces my willingness to build new skills, the one that I need now to perform in my current role and to create effective relationships.

I’m here to develop myself but to contribute to others development as well. These both require a high level of focus and energy, today. Knowing that this experience is limited activates my sense of “living the “NOW” more than ever. It makes me feel like striving for personal improvement now, striving to extend my knowledge now, striving to improve the quality of my contribution now. I still need to learn that being imperfect is ok and to gave me permission to make mistakes from time to time and be ok with my mistakes.
In spite of all I am very happy with the decision I have taken some time ago. I love being in the MC. It meets my need for holistic learning, challenges and contribution. And behind all I think this experience will teach me how to be authentic in every moment and how to give positive colors to my emotions. Because in the end the level of personal and professional fulfillment depends on the capacity to manage the 4 basic human emotions: joy, sadness, fear and anger.

First week in Mexico City

My week started with two big challenges: language and food. I understand a little bit more Spanish with every passing day that but is still not easy. It was my choice in the beginning that in the house we should talk more in Spanish. Otherwise I would have been created reasons for frustrations for myself and for the others. I’m asking tens of times per day “que significa eso?” and I’m ok with this. I am reading magazines and I understand 80-90% but when I listen others talking is harder. People are speaking very fast and my level of understanding is directly proportional with their fluency and with my level of tiredness. Sometimes I can understand 20% other time even 80%. It takes energy and constant concentration/active listening. When I’m tired I easily lose the focus and then I can be perceived as passive, introvert or however you want.

Regarding food I have kind of moderate behavior, I don’t eat very much. Here in Mexico if you refuse to eat something because you don’t like or because is unhealthy you might easily be perceived as negativist and disrespectful. I understand but I cannot agree. I respect their culture, but I respect myself too. Anyway in the last three days the food was delicious. At least I overcome a problem of mine: drink water or liquids. We have free tea, and caffee in the MC office, provided by the same Alumnus. And I discovered a very good hot chocolate and I can buy one for only 10 pesos.

Actually things are quite cheap here. Our salary is not much but if you keep control over your budget you really can buy many things even from Zara, L’Óreal etc, and travel enough, eat at restaurant twice or three times per week and take taxi through the city. Taxi is cheap here. Until now I bought two soft blankets to make my nights warmer There are still sunny mornings and 20 degrees in the evening but very soon the temperature will decrease.

Another cool thing is “El Ocho”. This is a fancy coffee shop located nearby where we spent one evening. There is a table like a touch screen. If you touch one of the two projectors situated above the table you can play different games or activate beautiful images, as for example a sky speckled with clouds and many birds flying beneath or a meadow with crickets moving around in the green grass. And they have very delicious deserts. In another evening I had dinner with Moni and the two Columbians, Serch and German in a restaurant close to our home, where they have all kinds of salads and Mexican food. I enjoy spending evening out and I’m glad I can do this.

Message from Ciudad de Mexico

I feel like I was born again on a new planet. New houses, new people, new way of doing things… I’m in Mexico City where people are talking only Spanish, where people are very sociable, relaxed and passionate. I cannot speak Spanish yet. This and other few other things are challenging me extremely at the beginning of this experience.

The last three weeks have been completely crazy. I even couldn’t realize what is happening to me. I was with my friends at my ‘”bye bye party” when, after a lot of uncertainity, I’ve found that I have to head to Mexico City in 10 hours. In the bus to Bucharest at the radio they were announcing that Sergiu Nicolaescu (one of the most important Romanian film makers) will start a new film. I laughed. My voice answered “Me too!” And really, I feel like getting on the stage every morning to perform the best role that life could ever give me. The expectations from me are high. And I have high expectations at my turn, from this experience and from the team I’m working with.

It depends so much on me if this “movie” will be successful or not, if the experience will be rewarding or not. For the beginning I have spent the weekend with my team at a beautiful location with many green areas, somewhere outside of Mexico City. We had “getting to know each other” activities, feedback and expectations setting sessions and we tried to identify how we can achieve performance as a team. I think we have very different personalities. Today is my second day at the office. For the working days we have free lunch at a very cool restaurant provided by the same Alumnus that gives us the office. The thing is that we have to eat everything otherwise Senora Yaeko, the person who cooks for us, will simply go mad and the Alumnus will be very upset because he is offering us food for free and will consider us somehow disrespectful if we don’t eat everything. It’s weird for me. I’m not eating much so most probably Senora Yaeko will go crazy very soon. Every Thursday they will give us Mexican food. Here people are eating not only very spicy but very unhealthy as well. They eat any kind of food with a spicy sausage and with lime. And the soup is more like a cream. I don’t like it at all. Anyway, beside all the unhealthy stuff there are a lot of salads with cabbage, broccoli, mushrooms, carrots, fish, chicken meet, fruits and juice, cakes… so you have from where to choose.

Every day few VPs or LCPs are coming in the MC office for different reasons. I simply love this. I can’t wait to work with them.

At home we have an immense living room where we stay in the evening, watching TV cartoons like kids:), working or chatting.

I am so lucky because I can choose what I want to do, because people are helping me, because I have cool friends, because I have given to me the permission to discover a new world, for taking freedom by granted, because I belong to this moment and for so many other things.

I am grateful!